Stop Writing Like a Robot: Why Most Business Communication is Absolutely Terrible

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Three weeks ago, I received an email from a Melbourne-based manager that read: "Please be advised that we are currently experiencing some challenges with our deliverables timeline and would appreciate your engagement in facilitating a solution-oriented approach moving forward."

I had to read it four times to work out he was asking for help with a late project.

This is the state of business writing in 2025, and frankly, it's doing my head in. After seventeen years of training professionals across Australia, I can tell you that most workplace communication sounds like it was written by someone who learned English from a corporate buzzword generator. We've somehow convinced ourselves that using twelve words instead of three makes us sound more professional.

The Epidemic of Corporate Speak

Here's what I've noticed working with companies from Darwin to Hobart: the bigger the organisation, the worse the writing gets. It's like there's an unwritten rule that you can't send an email without including "leverage," "synergise," or "circle back." I had one client in Sydney who used the phrase "ideate solutions" in every single team meeting. Mate, you mean "think of ideas." We all know what you mean.

The problem isn't that people can't write. Most of these professionals could knock out a perfectly clear text message to their mate about weekend plans. But the moment they sit down at their work computer, they transform into these overly formal writing robots who seem allergic to simple sentences.

What's particularly frustrating is that this isn't just about style preferences. Poor workplace communication costs Australian businesses millions every year. When your team spends twenty minutes deciphering what should have been a two-minute email, that's time and money down the drain. I've seen projects delayed by weeks because nobody could understand the project brief. One manufacturing company in Adelaide told me they had to hire an additional admin person just to "translate" internal communications between departments.

Why We Got Here (And Why It's Getting Worse)

The shift towards remote work has made this problem ten times worse. When you're not sitting across from someone, you can't rely on facial expressions or tone of voice to fill in the gaps. That unclear email becomes a game of workplace telephone, where the original message gets more distorted with each reply.

There's also this weird professional insecurity that's infected Australian workplaces. People think that using big words and complex sentence structures makes them appear more competent. I call it "thesaurus syndrome" – the belief that "utilise" is somehow more professional than "use." Newsflash: it's not. It's just longer.

Then there's the legal paranoia. Everyone's so worried about covering themselves that they hedge every statement with qualifiers. "It appears that we may potentially be experiencing what could possibly be construed as a minor delay in our anticipated delivery schedule." Just say the bloody thing's going to be late!

The Real Cost of Bad Writing

Last month, I worked with a Brisbane logistics company where a single poorly written policy update led to three different departments interpreting the same instruction in completely different ways. The warehouse team thought they needed to change their entire filing system. The customer service team started telling clients about delivery delays that weren't actually happening. The accounts team began charging for services that were supposed to be free.

All because someone wrote "implement new procedures for customer interaction protocols effective immediately" instead of "use the new customer service checklist starting Monday."

The reality is that good writing isn't about showing off your vocabulary – it's about getting stuff done. When I worked in corporate banking (yes, I was part of the problem once), I remember sending emails that were so convoluted that even I couldn't remember what I was asking for by the time I got a reply.

I've since learned that the best business writers are ruthlessly practical. They write like they're explaining something to their neighbour over the fence. Clear, direct, and without any unnecessary fluff.

Simple Rules That Actually Work

Here's what I teach in my communication training courses: start with the point, then add the details. Most people do it backwards. They bury the actual request or information somewhere in paragraph three, after they've explained the entire history of the project.

Write your subject lines like newspaper headlines. "Meeting Tomorrow" tells me nothing. "Budget Meeting Tomorrow – Need Q3 Numbers" tells me everything I need to know before I even open the email.

Use bullet points like your job depends on it. Because sometimes it does. I've seen brilliant ideas get completely ignored because they were buried in a wall of text. Break that information up. Make it scannable. Your colleagues are busy people – respect their time.

One technique that's particularly effective is what I call the "pub test." If you wouldn't say it in a pub conversation, don't write it in an email. This immediately eliminates about 80% of corporate jargon and forces you to use plain English.

The Australian Advantage

We actually have a massive advantage in this country when it comes to clear communication. Australians are naturally direct communicators. We don't usually dance around issues or bury our meaning in layers of politeness like some other cultures do.

But somewhere along the way, we've let American corporate culture infect our writing style. We've started using phrases like "reach out" instead of "contact" and "touch base" instead of "talk." Why? These phrases don't add anything. They just make our communication longer and less clear.

The best Australian business writers I know lean into our natural directness. They're polite but not precious. They're professional but not pompous. Companies like Atlassian and Canva have built their reputations partly on clear, human communication that doesn't sound like it came from a management consulting firm.

Technology That Helps (And Hurts)

Grammar checkers are brilliant for catching obvious mistakes, but they're terrible at teaching you how to communicate clearly. Grammarly might tell you that your sentence is grammatically correct, but it won't tell you that you've used forty words where ten would do.

I'm actually a big fan of voice-to-text software for first drafts. When you speak your ideas out loud, you naturally use simpler language and clearer structure. You can always clean it up afterwards, but it's amazing how much clearer your writing becomes when you start with how you'd actually say something.

Auto-correct, on the other hand, has created a generation of workers who can't spell basic business terms. I've seen "definately" in official company memos. Multiple times. From the same person.

Training Your Team (Without Boring Them to Death)

The traditional approach to business writing training focuses too much on grammar rules and not enough on practical communication. Most people already know the difference between "there," "their," and "they're." What they need is confidence to write simply and clearly.

I've found that the most effective training happens in small groups where people can practice with real examples from their own workplace. Generic exercises about fictional companies don't help anyone. But taking an actual email that caused confusion and rewriting it together? That's when the lightbulb moments happen.

Role-playing exercises work surprisingly well too. Give someone a complex scenario and ask them to explain it to different audiences: their manager, a new team member, and an external client. Watch how their language naturally adapts. Then help them apply that same adaptability to their written communication.

Common Mistakes That Drive Me Mental

Starting emails with "I hope this email finds you well." Nobody cares. We all know it's a standard greeting. Just get to the point.

Using "as per" instead of "according to" or just leaving it out entirely. "As per our conversation" sounds like you're trying to be fancy. "After we talked" is perfectly fine.

Writing "please don't hesitate to contact me" at the end of every email. What's the alternative – hesitating? Just say "let me know if you have questions" or better yet, anticipate what those questions might be and answer them in your original message.

The phrase "at your earliest convenience" is particularly annoying because it's both passive-aggressive and vague. When do you actually need this? Tomorrow? Next week? Be specific about deadlines.

Making It Stick

The biggest challenge with improving workplace writing isn't teaching the skills – it's changing the culture. When everyone around you writes like they're composing a legal document, it feels risky to write simply and clearly. You worry that people will think you're not taking things seriously or that you lack attention to detail.

This is where leadership matters. When senior managers start writing clear, direct emails, it gives everyone else permission to do the same. I worked with a Perth engineering firm where the CEO made a point of keeping all internal communications to one screen length. Within six months, the entire company had adopted a more concise communication style.

Creating style guides helps, but only if they're actually used. Most companies create these elaborate documents that sit gathering dust in a shared folder somewhere. The effective ones are simple, practical, and regularly referenced in team meetings.

The Future of Workplace Writing

Artificial intelligence is going to change how we approach business writing, but probably not in the ways most people expect. AI is brilliant at generating polite, professional text that says absolutely nothing. We're going to need human writers who can cut through that noise with genuine clarity and personality.

The companies that figure this out first – the ones that prioritise clear communication over corporate speak – are going to have a massive competitive advantage. When your customers can actually understand your proposals and your employees can actually follow your instructions, amazing things happen.

Bottom line: stop trying to sound important and start trying to be understood. Your colleagues will thank you, your customers will appreciate it, and you might even enjoy writing again.

After all, the point of communication is to communicate, not to impress people with your extensive vocabulary. We've somehow forgotten that in our rush to sound professional. Time to remember that the best professional communication is the kind that actually works.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go respond to an email about "optimising our conversational touchpoints." I'm going to suggest they try "talking to customers" instead.